Build Your Leaders

Archive for July, 2010

Remember Your Name

July 31st, 2010

And say it proudly. Those of you who have attended my seminars know I feel that the way we say our names conveys our self-confidence. “When you introduce yourself, state your name as if you were proud of it,” I counsel.

A while back, I was conducting a seminar for the Georgia Leadership Institute at Lake Lanier Islands and one of the participants told me this story:

“I grew up with a father who was both abusive and an alcoholic. As awful as he was at times, he gave me a gift that I have carried through my life. Whenever I would leave the house – to take a test, play in a competitive sport, or act in a play – he would say to me, ‘Erica, remember your name.’ When I remember this, I stand a little taller and walk a little slower.”

 Subscribe in a reader  |   Subscribe by Email

Feeling the Anger

July 23rd, 2010

Finding forgiveness. Recently, I ended a three-year relationship. I was proud of myself—I was proud of us; we ended it with respect and dignity, with much love and grace.

So much for love and grace; I am now angry.

Is my anger justified? Probably not. But I am still angry. I try to be gentle with myself. Isn’t anger one of the stages of grieving?

The Aramaic word for “forgive” is to “untie.” I want to untie and move on. Or do I? In truth I want to wallow for a while in my emotions. There’s something empowering about righteous indignation, yet I feel pretty out of control right now.

I know I’ve created a “story” around what happened. I also know my story is mostly false. That doesn’t change things; I am still angry.

I want to forgive. I don’t like the person I’ve become. I want to get to the place where I wish my ex-partner all the good things I want in my own life. I’m not there yet. Still, there are glimpses of hope. Sometimes I find compassion; I send my ex-partner a blessing.

Patience, trust, and surrender. It’s been said that time heals all things. I know that in time I will find the love I feel for him, but not now. For now, I am angry.

# # #

 Subscribe in a reader  |   Subscribe by Email

How to Co-Create Positive Outcomes

July 11th, 2010

Tap into the power of intention. I recently went to brunch at one of my favorite restaurants in Asheville. The restaurant was off: our wait was long; our service was poor; and our omelets were cold. The restaurant was crowded, and it felt like the staff’s primary concern was turning tables. Intention often determines whether a dining experience is a good one or not.

One of my favorite foods is pimento cheese, and there’s a wonderful recipe for it in the Roanoke Valley Junior League Cookbook. A friend used to make it for me. Normally a wonderful cook, she prepared a batch one time that was awful. It was inedible. Later I learned she had been angry with me.

What’s true for food is true for communications. Any time a communications goes sour, I can track it back to an intention that was less than sweet. For instance, when I try to manipulate someone into doing something without considering their best interest seldom am I successful. On the other hand, when I focus on doing the right thing the outcome often turns out well. When we tap into our most positive intention, we co-create more positive outcomes.

 Subscribe in a reader  |   Subscribe by Email

Another Take on Reincarnation

July 5th, 2010

Are you ready to reincarnate? I often jokingly tell friends that I’m coming back as a woman with twelve kids. But what if reincarnation doesn’t happen after we die, but while we’re living?

Jungian writer Robert Johnson, author of Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the Second Half of Life, recently showed me a new way of viewing reincarnation. He suggests looking at it psychologically and symbolically.

“Understood psychologically, reincarnation refers to the redemption of our unlived life, the necessity of addressing all of our potentials before we can realize God (unity).” My life is calling out to embrace the feminine and mother within me. When I do, I move several steps closer to wholeness.

“There are thousands of potentialities within, all of which are calling simultaneously to be expressed and experienced. This is the meaning of reincarnation for the modern person,” Johnson writes.

“Reincarnation is not for another time, another place, another existence – it is now.”

 Subscribe in a reader  |   Subscribe by Email