"The Career Engineer," Randy Siegel helps clients electrify their careers and transform their lives by becoming high voltage communicators™. Through training, coaching, speaking, and writing, he encourages people to fearlessly stand in their power by becoming the full expression of all they are.
Randy has conducted hundreds of presentations, workshops, and coaching sessions for corporations, professional associations, nonprofit organizations, and marketing firms coast to coast. His areas of expertise include presentation and communications skills training, executive positioning, personal mission statement development, career transition, and interviewing techniques.
He also provides consulting services in marketing, internal communications, team building, and management.
Randy and his Dalmatian, Lucy, live in Asheville, North Carolina.
For more information, contact: Randy@PowerHouse Communications.com
18 Beaverbrook Road
Asheville, NC 28804
Phone: (828) 236-0045
Toll Free Phone:
Fax: (828) 350-9162
Postcard from Asheville, N.C.
Maybe I mentioned my Power Up! group to you before. Four of us gather weekly by phone or in person to support each other in taking our businesses and lives to the next level. We have been meeting since September.
Several weeks ago, we held a retreat at my condo on Lake Toxaway. As usual, our time together was insightful. During the retreat, I set a goal of deepening my work. I want to explore how my program can more positively impact the careers and lives of my clients. I soon realized that this work has to start with me.
I began by reviewing the model that I developed to help businesspeople position, present, and promote themselves for success. I am self-aware, or at least I work hard at being self-aware. I think I do a pretty good job with self-disclosure, too. I have a clear sense of my purpose, and my branding and positioning are strong. Finally, I am told I have an engaging presence. So that leaves self-acceptance. Yes, I can do a better job of being self-accepting.
Of all the judgments I could make in my life, none is as critical as the one I make about myself. Self-acceptance leads to self-love, and self-love fuels self-esteem. Few things help us stand in our power more than self-esteem.
Since the retreat, I have been studying self-acceptance, and I am beginning to apply what I have learned to my life. I look forward to sharing it with you soon. In the meantime, you may be interested in a new training module on listening I am offering.
If you are like most of us, you already think you are a good listener: however, research shows that most of us are not. Most of us listen at about fifty percent efficiency. Check out my new module at http://www.powerhousecommunications.com/osc_listening.htm. On this page, you'll find a free worksheet to evaluate your listening skills.
This month, we'll look at the power of "The 90/10 Rule."
The Power of the "90/10 Rule"
Nothing spotlights sagging self-esteem stronger than when people judge others. Growing up, I was the supreme judge. A fat kid (I had to wear "Husky" brand pants), I constantly put down others in an attempt to pull myself up.
Looking back, I had good teachers; my family members were masters in the art of judgment. Around the dinner table, we would take turns picking on and judging one another. It got so bad during one Sunday supper that my brother's new bride fled the dining room; our cruelty had reduced her to tears.
Teachers used to preach, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything." Even when I don't verbalize judgments, I subtly communicate them and damage relationships.
I now know that judging serves me poorly. My judgments separate me from others, and above all I want connection in my life. I also know that self-esteem is an inside job; it must come from within, not by putting people down.
When judgments bubble up, they must be examined. Writers Carol Kurtz Walsh and Tom Walsh recommend applying "The 90/10 Rule." When judgment rears its serpent-like head and we experience a strong negative emotional reaction to another, assume that only 10 percent of our reaction is based upon the situation, leaving a whopping 90 percent that belongs to the past.
When we consider the psychological principles of projection and transference, the Walshes' counsel makes sense. A projection is something that we don't want to accept about ourselves, so we bury it and then observe it in someone else. Years ago, I was in a men's support group in Atlanta. One man in the group drove me crazy. He was so emotional; he cried at the drop of a hat. Several years later when I began to experience my own shut-down emotions, I was able to reclaim my projection.
Transference occurs when we assign traits to someone that really belong to someone else, and nowhere is transference more apparent than in our primary relationships. I used to transfer negative traits belonging to my mother and father onto my romantic partners until I read the eye-opening image work of Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. (See Suggested Reading - Resources at http://www.powerhousecommunications.com/tools.htm) Hendrix's research shows that we seek partners who have the predominant character traits of the people who raised us. He believes that we do this subconsciously in an attempt to heal old childhood wounds.
Old habits are hard to break. Although my self-esteem is much stronger than it once was, I still catch myself becoming judgmental toward a person or situation at times. When I do, I try to remember the 90/10 Rule and these wise words: "When you point your finger at someone else, there are four fingers pointing back at you."
Copyright Randy Siegel 2006. All rights reserved.