Build Your Leaders

Postcard from Asheville

July 2012

One of the hardest parts of being in relationship—whether with family, friends, or a significant other—is speaking candidly about my feelings, wants, and needs. What can be a simple conversation for most people, feels like conflict to me.

I consider myself a good communicator, but in the relationship arena, I am not. Recently, I landed on a solution. Instead of beating up on myself for not having the courage to speak my truth, I looked for what I could do comfortably.

While I’m not comfortable having an in-person or phone conversation, I canshare my thoughts in an e-mail. It’s the best I can do at this time; in time, perhaps I can do better. After all, it’s far more important to communicate, even if the means of communication isn’t ideal.

My friend was fine with the e-mail. He appreciated my honesty, and the honest communication brought us closer. And how nice it was to be gentle with myself for a change.

This month, we’ll explore a new way of finding our life’s purpose.

Feeling Purpose

My friend Ruth Hill is helping me reconnect to my body. A talented craniosacral therapist, Ruth reminds me to scan my body to explore the “felt sense” of memories, thoughts, and the feelings they evoke. Being a somewhat uptight white male, this can be challenging.

Recently, I’ve been struck by how emotions—actually any state of being—areeither dense or fluid. Think about it. When you feel confused does the confusion feel dense or fluid? Confusion feels heavy to me, and clarity feels light.

Now experience:

Fear Love
Control Letting Go
Attachment Nonattachment
Judgment Compassion
Ego Essence (or Authentic Self)

Each feels heavy or light, contractive or expansive, dense or fluid, doesn’t it?

I’ve written a lot in the past few years about being and doing. I’ve also written a lot about purpose, or how we can put our gifts to service in the world. Recently I ran into this quote from mystic Paul Ferrini: “One who is at peace naturally improves the world just by being.” 

When I feel a sense of lightness, fluidity, and expansiveness I know I am at my best, and when I’m at my best I’m having the most positive impact in the world.

# # #